以前看到过一句让我惊心的话:Just because someone doesn‘t love you the way you want them to, it doesn‘t mean they don‘t love you with all they have (一些人不以你想要的方式爱你,并不代表他们不是倾尽所有来爱你)。生活中很多人都习惯了被爱,却对于自己身边无处不在的爱麻木不仁;有时可能会因为不懂得如何毫无保留地给予爱,而使感情陷入僵局。本文是一篇教人如何去爱的文章,读罢也许你会更加明白如何去爱一个人,明白无私的奉献才是真正的伟大。
How to Love Unconditionally
爱要毫无保留
原文地址:http://www.lifesolutionsforgaymen.com/how-to-love-unconditionally
翻译:吟啸风寒
In order to build a solid foundation in any relationship, whether it’s a loving partnership (marriage), friendship or a relationship with a sibling or child, you must learn to love unconditionally without limits or judgment.
在任何什么关系中,不管是恋爱、婚姻、亲子、友情还是姐妹兄弟,如果你想要使这些关系牢固稳定,就必须给予对方不图回报、倾尽所有的大爱。
Loving someone unconditionally can be hard to do and goes against the grain you were probably taught in today’s Western society. Society tells you to get even or get revenge. However, to love unconditionally requires forgiveness and letting go of the wrongs.
这样爱一个人并非易事。当今社会,当自利已经变成了一种生存准则,人们往往锱铢必较、以牙还牙;而大爱却恰恰意味着宽恕和宽容。
So How Do You Love Unconditionally?
What’s required to show someone unconditional love when you’re in a relationship? Being there physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, through thick and thin, no matter what may happen is unconditional love.
那么,什么才算是毫无保留的爱呢?
在恋爱中,你怎样才能告诉对方你是毫无保留地爱他(她)呢?这样的大爱意味着身体、情绪、精神和灵魂的陪伴,同甘共苦,同舟共济。
Physically: Being “there” for someone physically means just what the word implies. You’re there for them in person, standing by their side, listening to them, or talking with them so they’re not alone. This may be at three in the afternoon, or three in the morning!
身体的陪伴:身体上的陪伴,这意味着你们人要在一起。你们耳鬓厮磨,并肩而行,相互聆听,相互倾诉,使得对方不感到寂寞孤独。这种相守是全天候的,不管是下午三点还是凌晨三点,你要陪伴在对方需要你的时候。
Emotionally: When you’re with someone emotionally, you’re offering your support by allowing them to honestly and openly express their feelings. Supporting someone emotionally with unconditional love also means that you’re there selflessly to help them work through their feelings. The goal is for the person to rise above the negative emotions and turn them into positive ones. You’re the shoulder to cry on!
情绪的陪伴:这种陪伴意味着一种情绪上的支援,你需要让对方将他们的感觉毫无保留地向你倾吐。你要全身心地帮对方梳理情绪,这种陪伴是毫无保留地爱对方的体现。最终,你要帮对方摆脱糟糕情绪,积极阳光地面对生活。在他(她)哭泣的时候,别忘了给个肩膀!
Mentally: Supporting a loved one mentally means that you help them think through their actions, motives, and desires. You help them do this by finding out what’s going on inside. To support someone mentally requires you to help your loved one process their thoughts through to all possible outcomes.
精神的陪伴:这种陪伴是你在行为、生活动力以及生活目标等方面给予对方的帮助和指导。你应该帮助对方发现他们自己的内心。在这个过程中,你需要帮对方梳理各种想法,考虑各种可能。
Spiritually: Spiritually supporting a loved one means you pray for and with them and help them grow in all aspects of their life – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Often spiritual support is given without a person being aware of it, through prayer.
灵魂的陪伴:灵魂的陪伴需要你时刻为对方祈祷,帮助他们在人生的各个方面茁壮成长,包括身体、情绪、精神和灵魂。精神上的支持之所以能够实现,靠的是一颗默默祝福、虔诚祈祷的心。
Unconditional love does not mean, however, giving into every whim or desire. Often people confuse unconditional love with spoiling. Giving into a person’s every want or desire when it isn’t appropriate can actually harm their physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well being. For example, giving into a child’s demands for junk food may make them happy today, but it isn’t a good source of nourishment in the long run.
同时,不要将无条件的爱和溺爱划等号。不分情况地满足对方每一个异想天开的冲动或者心血来潮的欲求,实际上是在给对方造成伤害,这对他们的身心健康、情绪的平和或者精神的安稳都是百害无一利的。比如,满足小孩儿吃麦当劳的贪欲可能让他今天开心,但从长远看来这对他们的健康遗殆无穷。
Letting Go
True love is shown when you try to help another become a better person and unconditional love is shown when you still love them even if they refuse to change.
学会放手
帮助对方在各方面成长是真爱的体现;而在对方有些难以克服的缺憾时,你仍然爱他(她),这就是大爱了。
Many times it’s necessary to “let go” of a loved one, while still loving them unconditionally, because they refuse to take the necessary steps to improve. An example of this would be an alcoholic or drug addict. You still love the person, but when they refuse to work at overcoming their addiction or don’t care about themselves or who they’re hurting, you must let go.
很多情况下,在对方难以进行自我改变而对你造成伤害时,你必须学会放手,但这并不意味着你不爱他(她)了。比如你的另一半嗜酒成性或者有毒瘾;你确实爱他们,但是如果他们执迷不悟,对自己和他人不负责任进而造成伤害,你就必须放手。
Sometimes this means, letting them spiral down until they hit rock bottom. Often you get hurt in the process because you love them and don’t want to see them go down this road, so loving unconditionally also means that you’ll be there for them when they’re ready to try again.
很多时候,你要让他们在碰壁之后彻底醒悟。眼睁睁地看着自己爱的人在痛苦中执迷是一件痛苦的事情。所以,当他们迷途知返、想要重新开始之时,你要给予他们无私的宽容和帮助。这是一种大爱。
Love isn’t an emotion or feeling – it’s a choice. This is especially true with unconditional love. In relationships, you show unconditional love by overlooking petty mistakes and forgoing judgment and grudges. Unconditional love requires self-sacrifice and forgiveness on your part and it‘s through unconditional love that those you care about will change for the better.
爱,特别是毫无保留的大爱,是一种心灵的抉择,而不是一种简单的情绪或感觉。在各种关系中,无条件的大爱意味着原谅对方的小错,不计较双方的得失。有时,你须要做出自我牺牲、给对方原谅和包容。只有沐浴在这样毫无保留的大爱之中,你和自己在乎的人才能共同成长。